Break Up Letters - Heart touching breakup letter with sad, goodbye, funny, nice, sweet breaking up letters for him and her, learn how to write a breakup letter.
As time has gone on, you’ve started to realize that your partner might not be the right match for you. Today, you’ve made the decision to end the relationship but you’ve surely realized that this is never an easy thing to do. Writing a breakup letter is a good option for a variety of reasons, but it’s very important to make sure that you do it right.
Many people use a break up letter to lessen the blow, but incorrectly writing this letter can actually make your soon to be ex more upset and hurt than you intended. This is why I wanted to write this article today on how to write the perfect letter to end a relationship. I am going to go over whether or not this is the most optimal tool for your relationship, what you need to include, what you need to exclude, and how you should present your thoughts on paper.
It’s important to think about whether or not this tool is going to work for your situation. Sometimes break up letters have a bad connotation and you’re going to have to think about whether or not your partner is going to find this to be appropriate or not. Don’t worry, you’re about to read an in-depth article on the ins and outs of this break up technique and should you choose to use it, you’ll know how to do it in the best way possible!
I’m going to be frank with you here. Some people think that using a break up letter is cowardly. They argue that it gives you an excuse to not have to own up and face the person you’re breaking up with face to face. They will say that there are so many other ways to break up with someone (which I will go over in a moment) and that using a letter means that you’re taking the easy way out.
While there is no “easy” way to break up with someone, especially if you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes the breakup letter does prove to be the best option – if you do it right!
Sure, many people turn to this tool because they really don’t want to have to break up with their partner face to face and actually witness this person’s heart breaking, but other people know that this is the best way to clearly express what they’re feeling. A lot of people freeze up under pressure or in stressful situations and have a very hard time getting their point across in the way that they intend.
Sometimes it comes out the wrong way, sometimes they aren’t even able to get the words out, and sometimes they fail at getting the actual point across. Breaking up with someone is very stressful, and it’s normal that a person might think that doing so face to face isn’t going to go as planned.
Another thing I’ve witnessed is people knowing that they want to end a relationship, but as soon as they see their partner they just can’t bring themselves to actually go through with it. We of course don’t want to make another person suffer, and it’s also very easy to just tell yourself, “Ok, I’ll just do it next time instead.”
The longer this period lasts, the worse you feel. I think it’s probably safe to say that your behavior has changed since you’ve made the decision to end this relationship, so your partner is more than likely aware of the fact that something is up.
Breakup letters allow a person to sit down, gather their thoughts, and take the time to write out what they’re feeling and figure out the absolute best way to present it. I’m sure you’ve experienced moments in which you were so nervous that your words didn’t come out right and then you ended up regretting the way you said it? Well, the letter helps to guard against this type of thing.
I do want to take a moment to mention that this letter should not be used as an end all. What I mean by that is that preferably, it should be a gateway to another conversation. Writing a letter and then disappearing into thin air doesn’t give you and your partner the chance to discuss what’s going on, and what needs to happen next. Your partner is also going to have things they want to say to you.
This is especially true if you have been together for a long time. It would be ideal to give him or her the option of seeing you, especially if they want to have some sort of closure. That said, if you know that you absolutely cannot see them anymore for some reason, don’t write anything that would lead them on in your letter and make them think that he or she will be seeing you soon.
Ideally, write the most important and hardest topics in this letter, and be open to discussing them in person afterwards. Make sure that you explain why you’re writing this letter. Tell your partner that you’re writing a break up letter to her or him because you want to make sure that you can clearly express what’s on your mind and in your heart.
Don’t worry, I’ll go over what to include and what not to do in breaking up letters a little further down.
As I said above, the ideal way to break up with someone you are in a relationship is to do so face to face. Yes, it’s stressful and you don’t want to hurt your significant other, but there are many other ways to break up that people use.
Some people even do so using a break up text, but I definitely don’t recommend this is if you’ve been together for a long time.
Another way to break up with someone that is almost as good as doing so face to face is doing it over the phone.
I’m definitely not saying that breaking up letters are bad ideas, but I am saying that it’s important for you to think about how your significant other is going to take it and why you’re choosing this method. Is it to avoid confrontation, or is it really because you want to express your feelings in the best way possible and you know that this would be the right tool to do just that?
Some people break up with their partners just by disappearing into thin air and this I have to say IS cowardly, especially if this isn’t just a one night stand.
Now if you’re experiencing a relationship that is abusive or toxic, that is a different story. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you aren’t sure about what to do.
Some people might argue that a break up text, a break up letter, or even a break up paragraph are all the same, but they are not.
The advantage that the letter has is that it’s longer, so you can really write everything out exactly how you intend to communicate it. Texts are short, and no one likes receiving 50 messages one after the next. Plus, a letter can be handwritten which reflects thought and effort. Texts are too casual for this type of situation
Receiving a text from a person that wants to break up with can come across as quite a blow. If a text should be used for anything in this situation it should be to set up meeting and talking face to face – not to end the relationship. Again, if this is a one night stand type of thing, that’s a different story.
I am referring to relationships that have have been more or less serious and have gone on for a while.
When you are writing a break up letter to him or her, I want to make sure that you include certain elements that are very important. First of all, I would suggest acknowledging that things have been tense in the relationship for a while, and you wanted to write this letter to explain why you’ve been acting the way you have been (whether that’s cold, distant, aloof, hostile, angry…etc.)
Make sure that your wording in the letter comes across as natural and that you write clearly. No need for poetic allegories or symbolic musings. You don’t want to beat around the bush and you don’t want your significant other to become more frustrated, confused, or stressed out than need be.
The letter does need to include your reasons. It can’t just say, “This isn’t working, it’s over…”
Talk about what has lead you to this decision, keep the letter concise. It doesn’t need to go on for pages and pages. It should be well-thought-out and clearly written. You want to get your point across eloquently and clearly. Don’t leave room for your soon-to-be-ex to wonder what you’re trying to say.
You don’t need to be cruel or harsh, but make sure that your decision to end the relationship is clear and that this letter contains your reasoning.
As each relationship is different and everyone’s reason to want to end the relationship will vary, I know that everyone’s letter is going to have a different tone. Some people want to end things on a cordial note, whereas others are furious about something that happened and are writing this letter to tell their partner that they don’t ever want to see them again.
I will say this however – the more calm you are in this letter, the more easily your point will be made and the more likely it will be that your partner understands why you feel this has to happen.
It’s equally important to talk about what needs to be left out of your letter.
Like I said above, you need to write naturally. This also means that there is no sense in being overly dramatic or emotional. Your partner will be more likely to appreciate a well thought out letter explaining what’s in your heart right now than something that reads like a monologue from a soap opera.
When you write this letter to break up, it’s very important to be honest, but not brutally honest. If the truth is that you are leaving your partner because they have changed and are no longer physically attractive to you, well, this isn’t really something you need to include in your letter. Instead, tell them that your feelings for them are not where they need to be for this relationship to continue to develop, or that you’ve enjoyed spending time together but this relationship isn’t the right fit for you.
Don’t use this letter as a list of attacks. Yes, write out the main reasons for this decision, but you don’t need to list out every little thing your significant other has ever done that made you unhappy. Talk about the big things that are non-negotiable for you, but you don’t need to nitpick.
If you don’t plan on leaving the door open to possibility in the future, don’t write things in your letter that would make your boyfriend or girlfriend think that you are. You don’t want to lead them on or sugar coat things in a way that gives them hope for something that isn’t going to happen.
Don’t use this letter as a tool for pointing the finger for however many pages you decide to write. Simply put, you don’t have to be cold or cruel, but you should be honest.
If you want to end things on a cordial note, wish him or her well, and encourage them to move on because they do have great qualities. If you don’t wish to have any contact with him or her at all after this letter, just end the letter with something like, “Wishing you well.”
When you write this letter to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t send it right away. Sleep on it and revisit it the next day or a few days later. Sometimes you might write things in the heat of the moment that don’t sound right to you the next day, so make sure you reread and check that it feels right before sending it.
It’s fine if you need to write a few drafts. The most important thing is to send something that you feel successfully portrays what you want to say and why you feel that this relationship cannot go any further.
People sometimes think that sending a breakup letter is just going to guarantee that they’ve finished the relationship in one clean swoop. It’s important to note that more often than not, the letter is actually what begins the break up process – not what finishes it.
When your partner receives this letter about breaking up, he or she is most likely going to want to talk to you.
They are going to experience heartache and grief, even if you worked very hard to write a gentle breakup letter. You can do your part to lessen the blow as much as possible, but you can’t expect your partner to have no emotional reaction whatsoever.
So my suggestion is to be open to having a conversation about the break up. The letter will have expressed the main reasons you have for ending your relationship, but your ex will have questions.
After having sat down and thought clearly defined your reasons for making this choice, you will have everything you need to get through this conversation. You will have answers to his or her questions, and they will already know that you’ve decided to separate, so don’t let yourself be too nervous about it.
As I said, I’m always here to help.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for knowing how to write the best breakup letter
Having this conversation in person might not exactly be something you're looking forward to, so consider writing a letter to breakup instead.
I know what you're thinking. What kind of horrible human coward writes a break-up letter!? My friend Paul gave me this lecture once--though he gave it the nicest way possible. You see Paul is a great guy. He is a thoughtful, dignified person and would only break up with a woman over coffee while holding her hand tightly the entire time. When I explained to him that I know men (and women, too, I'm sure) who don't bother with the break-up--they just don't saying anything at all and disappear completely--he looked at me in great confusion. In the case of someone who planned on walking away with no final words, a break-up letter is actually an act of valiance.
Let's face it -- there really is no good way to break up with someone. Even if you do it the considerate, Paul-like way the other person will still be devastated. Some methods, however, are better than others, and I think a letter falls in the middle. Here are a few ways to break-up with someone listed from the most appropriate to the most inconsiderate:
1. In person
2. Over the phone
3. Via breakup letter or e-mail
4. Via text
5. By not telling the person but going so far as to change your relationship status on MySpace or Facebook. (If you don't believe this really happens, read this write-up by my friend and fellow blogger Christine Hassler).
6. Saying nothing and disappearing into the sunset
The break-up letter, as with every other type of letter, has a long history. I recommend Hell Hath No Fury: Women's Letters from the End of the Affair edited by Anna Holmes. This is an absorbing collection of break-up letters--the oldest was written around 10 B.C. and the most recent in 2002 (according to this book, even marriages have ended via letter). If you choose to write a break-up letter you are joining millions of people--alive, dead, well-known and unknown. I've written break-up letters on behalf of other people and a few for myself. The ones I write for myself are usually written early on when I've only been seeing someone a short time, and the relationship hasn't gotten serious enough for us to have a sit-down break-up. In any case, here are some insights and approaches to the almighty break-up letter:
The Last Word - I DON'T recommend a break-up letter be the final word, especially if you're ending a long relationship. I think it should be a starting point. Say the things that are the most difficult to say in the letter and then open the door to meet for further discussion. The other person might choose not to meet you or they might like some face- to-face closure--it's kind to give them the choice. If you can't, however, see them again after writing the note then be clear about that. Don't end with a promising, "I'll call you later," and never following through.
Getting Started - If you've been pondering the break-up for a while and know that it's affected your behavior, consider starting with an explanation: "My attitude lately has been aloof at best and rude at worst. I'm sorry I've waited so long to explain myself." Otherwise you can get right to the point and let it be known that this isn't easy: "I'm not sure where to begin," or "I'm sorry not to do this in person but it's easier for me to put my thoughts on paper."
Call Yourself a Coward - The recipient is going to call you one anyway, you might as well put it out there that you know what you're doing. You can say something like, "Admittedly, this is a coward's call," or "I'm sure my unwillingness to do this in person disappoints you. It disappoints me too."
Unless You're Not Being One - If writing the letter is not an act of avoidance but a last resort to get through to someone then make that clear: "I would like to discuss this with you but you've gotten in the nasty habit of not listening to anything I say."
Walk the Line - The toughest part about writing a break-up letter is being honest but not too honest. Saying, "I met someone with a better body," is heartless. Then again so is suggesting, "Maybe we can try again when work isn't so busy," when you know being busy has nothing to do with why you're ending things. It gives the other person hope and keeps them from moving on. Say something kind yet more permanent, "I've enjoyed our time together, but don't see this going any further than it already has. My feelings aren't where they need to be for us to continue."
Writing a breakup letter to someone can help bring closure to the situation, and it can even take the place of a face-to-face breakup. However, it's easy to get lost in your emotions and lose track of what you want to say. Sometimes, it's easier to look at a good example and use it to help you end the relationship. Learn how to write a break letter for all kinds of situations like lost love, cheating and finding someone new.
When you fall out of love, it's time to let go. Try to get your point across as gently as you can with a breakup letter like this one.
I can't stay in a relationship where there is no love, and it isn't fair to you to be stuck in a relationship that's a lie. I hope you're able to move on, and meet someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Love is like the tide, it comes and it goes. Unfortunately the tide is out in my love for you and I don't think it will come back in. I know it's hard to hear, but the least I can give you now is honesty. I hope you can move on like the rolling ocean waves, with strength and purpose.
All the Best,
Writing a break up letter to someone you love often takes on a more sad, emotional tone. If you have strong feelings of love for someone, but know the relationship just can't work you can try writing a romantic goodbye break up letter.
My Dearest Shawn,
As I write, I already feel that I will regret this letter forever. You brought me a joy like no other man ever could at a time I needed it most. You brought out the best in me by simply being you. Your love has lifted me to the greatest heights imaginable.
I am deeply hurt, and my heart will undoubtedly be scarred because we can't be together. I don't think I'll ever find a love as true as ours, and I'm not sure I ever want to try.
Although you can't take me with you, I've given you my heart to keep forever. Cherish it as you've cherished me, and we'll always be together.
With Deepest Love and Sympathy,
Stephanie My Love,
There may be billions of women in the universe, but none will ever shine brighter than you. Like the North Star, you'll guide my heart throughout life no matter where I am. When the night skies are filled with darkness, your love will shine through to give me hope.
Thank you for giving yourself to me in the purest sense. Thank you for showing me what love was meant to be. Maybe someday our stars will align again.
Goodnight and goodbye,
If someone else has captured your heart, be honest with you partner and make a clean break. A letter worded like those below will help you do it as kindly as possible, even if the other person feels it is a sad breakup letter.
It's not fair to you for me to pretend our relationship is going to work when I know in my heart my attention is elsewhere. You deserve someone who will love you, and only you, and I know you will find someone who will treat you right.
I'll always remember our time together as a special time in my life. I hope you can forgive me and realize my leaving is the best thing for everyone involved.
I've made a mistake, and it's not easy to admit. I let my emotions wander to someone new. I should have been focused on our relationship, but another woman captured my heart.
I want you to know my actions have nothing to do with you. I've enjoyed our time together and appreciate what you've given to me. You were filling my cup, but for some reason I never felt full. I wish for you to carry on being you, it will be exactly what another man needs.
Nothing kills a relationship quicker than infidelity, so don't settle for less than you deserve. Kick that cheater to the curb with a letter that leaves no room for doubt that it's over.
You may not realize I know what you have been up to with Delaney. The truth is what's done in darkness will always come to light, and I can't ignore the fact your attentions have turned to someone else.
We're over. I can only hope someday the same thing happens to you, and you can know the pain that comes with having been cheated on. Here's a preview: It feels horrible.
Long-distance relationships are tough, and sometimes they don't work out even if no one is at fault. If you want to try to stay on good terms, say goodbye to your partner with a letter which ends the romance but still leaves an opportunity to remain friends.
No one should have to put up with abuse. You should end the relationship immediately with a letter that puts the blame exactly where it belongs and slams the door on any chance of reconciliation.
Whether you're in a relationship with a gold digger or someone who is a walking financial disaster, one of these letters will help you regain control of your heart and your bank account.
It's possible to care for someone deeply and still find yourselves heading down different paths in life. Break up with a letter that states the truth but still shows you respect and care about your soon-to-be former partner.
If you feel like you're playing second fiddle to your partner's career and you've had enough, it's time to get out of the relationship. Depending on the circumstances, one of these letters should serve as an example of how to set yourself free.
Your sad relationship letter to your boyfriend or girlfriend will help you end the relationship with your partner, but delivering it won't be all you will need to do. If your soon-to-be-ex does not know the two of you are about to break up, you may have to do some consoling, and explain yourself further. Of course, it would be easier just to hand over a note and say goodbye, but that is not a responsible or sensitive way to break up with someone in most cases. Remember you did once care for this person, and it's only fair to try to provide some closure.
In the tutorial below, we will discuss how to write a breakup letter. After reading through this article, if you have questions or comments, or you'd like to share your .
Welcome to our series on Design Thinking methods and activities. You’ll find a full list of posts in this series at the end of the page.
|Primary Goal||To identify positive and negative attributes/elements/features in your brand, product, company, or event.|
|When To Use||During a kick-off session with a group that is familiar with a pre-existing concept, brand, event and/or application.|
|Time Required||30-45 minutes|
|Number of Participants||2-6 (ideally)|
|Who Should Participate?||Stakeholders, Users, or Product Teams|
|Supplies||Pens or pencils, lined sheets of paper (bonus supply: heart or smiley/sad face stickers for dramatic effect)|
The Love/Breakup Letter is based on the premise that the relationships we have with brands and applications are very similar to those we have with people. When we love and appreciate brands, we come to rely on them, become loyal to them, and look for more and more ways to include and incorporate them into our lives. We talk about them with our friends and share them with family. On the other hand, when we detest brands, we do whatever it takes to avoid them, speak out against them, and actively seek out alternatives.
Treating brands and products like people can help us better understand their context within our lives. Writing a letter is a perfect way to tap into the emotional connections we have with our products and find ways to promote their best attributes or fix the features that are broken.
To prepare for this exercise, you’ll want two example letters (one love letter and one breakup letter) that you can share with the participants. It’s helpful to use letters that don’t mention the project that you’re working on to avoid influencing the content of participants’ letters.
You can write your own letters or use these examples:
Distribute pens/pencils, paper, and stickers to each participant, and explain the following:
Read your example love letter and breakup letter out loud to help your audience understand the format. Then start the exercise. Feel free to stop before time is up if everyone is finished early, or add a few minutes if participants need more time.
After time is up, ask each participant to read their letter out loud to the group. If participants are shy, it can be helpful to read your own letter first.
After each letter has been read, collect the letters. I recommend scanning them as an artifact of project exploration. They can be great tools to reference.
Synthesize the information from the letters into a document that categorizing areas that need improvement or features that are working.
You can use this to create an action plan, e.g.
That ends today’s lesson. Check back soon for new lessons, and leave me a comment below if you’ve given the Love/Breakup Letters a try.
Reference for this exercise: Universal Methods of Design by Bella Martin and Bruce Hanington (2012)
Ending a relationship gracefully is always tough but writing that perfect break-up letter to your boyfriend or girlfriend won't take more than a few.