Do you need to apologize to your husband? If your partner's initial anger subsides, but you fail to make amends, this can upset them all over.
Researchers from the University of Ohio recently outlined what makes an effective apology — aka an "I'm sorry" that will actually get someone to forgive you. Whether you're attempting to make amends with a friend, colleague, romantic partner, or family member, here are six things your "sorry"s need to include in order not to sound like a cheap excuse. (According to science, that is.)
1. An expression of regret. Think: "I truly wish I'd thought first before saying that nasty comment about your hair." Or, "I feel so bad about having offended you/stood you up/let you down." Or, "I can't believe I broke your favorite coffee mug."
2. Some explanation of where things went wrong. Examples: "I didn't realize that you were sensitive about that issue; I was under the impression you'd find it funny." "I knew I was going to be late so I misguidedly assumed it was better not to show up at all." Or, "I was trying to clean it for you but it fell on the floor in the process."
3. An acknowledgment of your responsibility in the matter. Like, "I messed up." "I was wrong about ___." "I owe you an apology." "I should have been more careful when handling that ceramic cup."
4. A declaration of repentance. (Aka some signal you're not going to make the same mistake again.) Consider: "I will think more before opening my mouth and be more mindful of your sensitivities." "I will arrive early next time or avoid making plans on days where my schedule stretches me too thin, so I don't end up canceling last minute."
5. An offer to repair. Try: "I'd like to make it up to you by taking you out to dinner/helping you move/..." Or, "To make it up, I'll come to that open mic you need people in the audience for next weekend." "I'd like to buy you a new mug or pay you twice as much as you bought it for."
6. A request for forgiveness. Examples: "Would you forgive me for this major mishap?" Or, "Do you think we can move forward and consider my mistake a blip in an otherwise solid friendship/relationship?"
"At its essence," the study authors write in the journal Negotiation and Conflict Management Research, "the mere offering of an apology shows
that the apologizer understands there is a 'social requirement' to an apology when any sort of harm is
Owning your responsibility for whatever horrible thing(s) you made happen, they add, is the most crucial element of an apology. (After all, research shows that victims see people who've wronged them in a more positive light when the latter at least takes responsibility for having violated them.) But if you really want to get back into whomsoever-you've-upset's good graces, you're going to want to express regret, explain what happened, and try to compensate the person you harmed.
Top it off with a request for forgiveness and you "transform the apology from a unilateral set of statements made by the violator to a bilateral communication process, asking for the victim's participation in the trust repair process," the authors write. Translation: Ask to be let off the hook and you make the apology process a two-way street, which can be more appealing to the person you're, well, trying to appeal to.
Of course, not every apology will be perfect. But to the extent that you can nail as many of the above components as possible — especially the owning responsibility part — you'll probably lower your odds of having one more grudge held against you.
Follow Katherine on Twitter.
Fighting with a friend, your family, or your significant other — it's all not pretty. And to make it even more complicated, people all argue differently. During an argument, both you and your partner's emotions are running high.
No relationship in this world is perfect, no matter how compatible you are or how much you love each other. You can love each other to the end of the world and back and still have times where one person is upset at the other one.
There is not a single relationship in the world that is immune to fighting. With any relationship, it is bound to happen whether you want it to or not.
So no matter how great you and your boyfriend are together, there will come a time when you will find that you need to apologize to him over something that he feels hurt about.
After all, you are only human. From losing your temper and being selfish to lying or cheating, there will be some instances when your boyfriend will be on the receiving end of your mistakes.
Below are some examples of apology letters for your boyfriend, as well as tips on how to write a sincere, personal letter to him. These apology letters cover a wide range of scenarios in which you might find yourself needing to apologize for something that has happened in your relationship.
Even though you can use these apology letters for your boyfriend, you should also include some details that are specific to your relationship. Examples of this include his name and what exactly you are apologizing for.
Even if you did not mean to hurt or upset him, your boyfriend has his own feelings that are completely valid and these feelings should be acknowledged by you. Just because you do not see it from his perspective, it does not mean that his feelings are not real.
If you always tell your boyfriend that he has no right to be upset or that it is his fault that he is so sensitive, then that will have a negative impact on your relationship.
Your boyfriend should be able to feel like he can trust you and he should also feel safe with you. But how can he feel that way if you do not acknowledge how he feels?
You do not have to completely understand where he is coming from, but if you want to improve your relationship with him, then you should at least try to be understanding.
An apology can be empty and useless if you do not show that you plan on changing things for the better. You can say “I’m sorry,” but if you do not have any intentions of avoiding this type of situation again, then your apology is useless.
In your apology letter, tell your boyfriend how you will make things better. What kinds of things caused him to feel hurt, angry, or upset? Identify those things and tell him that you will work on them.
For example, if he is upset because you do not communicate with him well, then tell him that you will work on your communication. Come up with some sort of plan so he feels like you are taking this seriously.
If you lost your temper with him, then you can say that you will try to calm down before you talk to him about things, that way he does not feel attacked by you.
These are examples of how you can express to him that you are trying to improve your relationship. On top of an apology, you are also trying to find solutions to avoid running into these problems again.
In times like these, a person can sometimes doubt their relationship. If you want to stay together, then you need to remind him that you are committed to working things out.
Remind him that you love him and that you want to make him happy. This is important as he might be feeling lost and insecure right now.
What do you love about him? What do you love about their relationship? How does he make you feel? These are some details that you might want to include in your apology letter, as they can also remind your boyfriend about the great things that exist in the relationship that you have together.
Avoid peppering your letter with unrealistic promises that will not be met. You do not want to be deceitful in your apology letter to your boyfriend.
Do not fill up your apology letter with things that you do not mean. There is nothing worse than offering up empty promises that you have no intention of keeping.
You have to really want to resolve this issue between you and your boyfriend. And in order to do that, you have to be honest with him. Be sincere in your letter.
Part of being sincere includes you telling the truth, not just what you think he wants to hear so he will forgive you right away and move on. When you say that you are sorry, you should really mean it.
When it comes to mending things with your boyfriend, apologizing is only a part of the solution. You will also want to demonstrate that you intend to make things better. Otherwise, what is to stop him from thinking that you will do the same things to hurt him again?
This can sometimes include asking your boyfriend how you can be better in the relationship or you can ask what would make him feel better. This will make him heard and he will feel like his feelings matter.
It can also make him feel better about your future together if you both work on how to improve the relationship. Remember that you are a team and that working together and listening to each other is important.
Together as a couple, we have made some truly special memories. We have an amazing connection that I have never had with anyone else and I cherish how special you make me feel.
I wish that every day with us could be happy, but as you know, no relationship is always perfect. Sometimes, mistakes are made and this time I have made a mistake by hurting you.
I am so sorry for the hurtful things that I said to you. I wish that I could take back every hurtful thing that I said. You of all people do not deserve this kind of treatment.
As my boyfriend, you deserve to feel loved and I hate that my words hurt you. It kills me that I was so thoughtless when I said those things.
Losing control over my temper was unacceptable. I wish that it had not happened, especially to you. I do not want our relationship to be like this and I know that it is up to me to take responsibility for what happened.
I know that just saying that I am sorry is not enough to change things. I need to think about what I say and how it affects other people, especially you of all people.
You are the most important person in the world to me, and there are not enough words to express that. I regret that I used some of my words to hurt you and I hope that you can forgive me. Just know that I am sorry that I hurt you.
We have something so good together and I am afraid that I might have ruined that forever. I hope that this is not the case, even though I know that I am the person who is at fault here.
I am eternally sorry that I completely betrayed your trust. A good, healthy relationship should be built on honesty and I was not completely honest with you about what has been going on lately. You cannot imagine how remorseful I feel over this.
You deserve to have a girlfriend who is honest with you and I have fallen short of that standard. I promise to do better from now on. No more secrets and no more lies. I do not want to risk losing you.
I need to learn to be comfortable in my own skin and to share everything about myself with you. Please give me a chance to gain your trust back. How can I make things better with us? I love you.
Because you are my boyfriend, I know that I should share all of my thoughts with you, but instead, I kept it all to myself.
I am sorry for keeping you in the dark like this. We should be partners, not strangers, and it is my fault that I feel like a stranger to you right now.
You do not deserve to have secrets kept from you and I will communicate my feelings to you better from now on. You deserve a woman who will share her whole life with you and that is exactly what I want to do.
Can you please forgive me for not being open with you? I am sorry for not expressing myself but I will work on it. I promise to let you in more. This is a relationship that I am fully committed to and I want to prove that to you.
I know that you have been feeling like you are not a priority in my life at all and I am very sorry that my thoughtless actions have caused you to feel this way.
The very last thing that I ever wanted to do was hurt you and make you feel like you were not an important part of my life. You mean so much to me, even if I have not been showing it lately.
Even though I have not been showing it enough, you are the most important thing to me. You matter the most and I regret that I did not show this to you through my actions.
Making you feel like you were being ignored was ignorant on my part. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel like you were invisible.
I deeply regret taking you for granted. Do you know how much I appreciate having you in my life? If not, then I promise to show it a lot more.
You mean the world to me and I am so sorry if my insensitive and neglectful actions and words have caused you to doubt how much I love you. My love for you is still as strong as it ever was and I am sorry for putting you second when you should be first.
It was selfish of me to not consider your feelings and I promise to be more in tune to them. Your feelings deserve to be acknowledged and you deserve to be heard. I want to be a better girlfriend to you.
I hope you know that I love you and that you mean the world to me. I am sorry for the times that I did not put you first. Your feeling and opinions matter to me and I have been insensitive to them.
You deserve to feel appreciated and special and I want to give that to you. I am sorry that I have made you question if I love you. My love for you is still strong.
I want to do my part to help make our relationship flourish and grow stronger. I know that I can do this and I know that you are the only guy for me.
What do I need to do to make you feel more secure about us? I want to do everything I can to make our relationship a strong one.
Please forgive me for everything and I will do my best to make it all up to you. I realize that I have a lot to prove to you and I hope that you will give me the chance to do it.
You are such an amazing boyfriend, a better than I could have ever asked or hoped for. You are incredibly thoughtful, sweet, considerate, and so much more. But in spite of this, I let myself doubt your intentions.
Instead of trusting you and appreciating our relationship, I became jealous and paranoid of you even though deep down, I know that you committed you are to our relationship.
I am sorry that I let my insecurities get the best of me. Of course, I trust you and you deserve to have friends. You do not need to be asked a million questions and you deserve to have your own space when you need it.
Unfortunately, I got a little too jealous but I know that you have other people in your life and I know that you have always put me first. I have to give you credit for that.
You are the most important person to me and you should feel like you can talk to your friends and hang out with them even when I am not around. I did not mean to act so paranoidly. I am just so in love with you and was blinded by that.
I can promise you that I will work hard to trust you a lot more and I hope this is an issue that we can both move on from together. Can you please find it in your heart to forgive me?
You are a truly amazing guy who deserves to be with a woman who is just as patient and selfless as you are. Unfortunately, I did not meet all of these standards and did not give you what you deserve in a relationship. This is something that I am determined to change.
I know that it is time for me to swallow my pride and I will admit that I have messed up a few things in our relationship. I completely accept the blame for the things that I did to hurt our relationship, even if it was not on purpose.
For some reason, it is so hard for me to say that I am sorry even when I know that I am the one who is in the wrong. But I love you enough to say that I am sorry. I do not want to risk losing you.
I now realize that my stupid, selfish pride is worth nothing compared to the special bond that you and I have. What we have is something that is truly special and to me, it is something that cannot be replaced.
I am so sorry that it took this long for me to finally realize my role in the issues that are going on between us right now. You mean so much to me and I would do anything to make you happy.
Our relationship really is the very best thing that I have in my life and I want to work on making it better. Please forgive me for being so stubborn and unwilling to change things. I want to work things out between us and I hope you do too.
While I know that just saying sorry is not enough, I know that I need to say it to you anyway. I am so sorry for hurting you. I know that saying the words to you is not enough to make things better.
I want to be a better girlfriend for you. And I am determined to change so I can be a better girlfriend. I promise I will make things better for us.
You are the guy that I want to be with and I am going to prove it to you. I hope you can forgive me for messing things up so badly. Again, I am really sorry for what happened.
There is a saying that love means having to say that you are sorry. I love you so much, more than I ever thought I could love anyone.
It is an amazing feeling being able to love you. And that is why I need to try to fix this.
So here I am, telling you how very sorry I am for hurting you. You deserve an apology from me even if you did not ask me for one.
You are the sweetest guy I know and I am truly, incredibly lucky to have you in my life. Sometimes I still cannot believe that this is real, that we were able to find each other and that you love me as much as you do.
I know that when I do or say something hurtful towards you, you have a tendency to just brush it off and act like it is nothing.
When you are hurting, you do not like to talk about it or admit that you are feeling hurt. This is something that I have observed in our relationship.
But this is something I feel really badly about. I should not have done what I did and said what I said. I feel terrible for hurting you.
I promise to consider your feelings more in the future. I love you and do not want you to feel put down, disrespected, or unappreciated.
These are just a few ways in which you can apologize to your boyfriend through a letter. Whether you decide to apologize through a letter or in person, some of the words from these letters can help you make the perfect apology for him.
Just remember to be honest and to swallow your pride in your apology to your boyfriend. And if he does not accept your apology, wait patiently to see if he can forgive you. If he does not, then you know that you apologized and that you tried your best to attempt to mend the relationship.
If your boyfriend does accept your apology, then remember what caused him to feel hurt so you can avoid repeating history again. You want to improve your relationship and not make the same mistakes again.
Filed Under: DatingTagged With: hate, list, opinions, promises
Unlike most species, the human desire for finding a partner is not limited to just the process of mating and procreation. However, because of how complex human beings are, relationship between any two of them will often involve a lot of complications. And one of the most recurrent of those complications especially for women is for them to understand how to deal with a difficult boyfriend.
We all instinctively crave for someone to share our lives with. Not just our victories but also to help us fight our battles. So, it’s only natural that you’d want your boyfriend to understand and get along with you. But sometimes, he’s just going to be hard to handle.
The difficulty could come in many forms and while most of them can easily be resolved with minimal effort and open-ended talks, some cases can be very confusing and tough to handle.
And when it comes to relationships there is never a perfect match. You will always find one thing or another that you won’t like with everyone you choose as a partner.
So, it’s extremely important for both the parties to learn how to make compromises and put the relationship above themselves.
However, in situations like these it is also possible for you to accept whatever they do justifying their otherwise inexcusable actions.
Because of this, sometimes you can’t even recognise they’re being difficult. You let them get away with such behaviour and they get used to it. It will only become more common and more intense in the future, where you can’t help but feel the effects of it.
But by then, it might be too late. So, identifying and working on such issues at the beginning is very important.
So, how do you deal with your boyfriend in this case when he’s acting unfairly? There could be many reasons for him acting that way, first identify the reason. Here are the most likely explanations why your boyfriend might be growing difficult by the day.
Sometimes guys find it hard to open up about their feelings. They’re made to believe that it is a sign of weakness so they often try to keep things that are bothering them to themselves.
This however will almost always involuntarily affect their outside actions and behavior and is easily noticeable by anyone close to them.
He might be unhappy with a decision you made because he feels like you didn’t properly consider his opinion.
It could also be your choice of words that you have used earlier that might’ve hurt him in some way.
There are small things like these that he might find too petty to discuss about but they are not small enough for him to completely ignore them either.
Your boyfriend can sometimes get very uncomfortable when you talk about other guys certain way or about your ex’s. These kinds of things are likely to feed his insecurities.
Now that’s fine as long as he is willing to talk about it but if they choose not to and keep it to himself thinking it would make him look clingy or self-doubting, then it will certainly reflect in his actions.
During the courting period, both men and woman work extremely hard in their own way to impress each other because of the attraction they feel and the overwhelming desire to be with the other person.
However, once they get together, the need to impress disappears as you already have each other and this might prompt him to take you for granted which results in frustratingly difficult behavior.
All of the above are reasonable explanations as to why you’re facing some erratic behavior from your partner.
However, the only way to pinpoint which among them is the case for you is to talk to him and convince him to be open with you.
Give him time and he will eventually open up and tell you what’s bothering him or you will get to know that he doesn’t really think this is unfair behavior in which case a different approach might be required.
So, how do you put an end to such behavior or at least make it relatively manageable? Here are a few ways you can address the situation that is reasonable and won’t make it look like you’re painting your boyfriend in a bad light.
More than likely the issue might just be that your boyfriend is bothered by something in his life or some part in your relationship.
Let him know that it’s okay to talk about how he feels. Show him he can trust you by opening up yourself. Tell him about the things that are bothering you, in life or in the relationship.
This will make him more comfortable with talking about such issues around you and eventually he won’t hesitate to tell you about his own troubles.
Having this level of openness and comfort in a relationship is important even outside of dealing with this issue.
You don’t need to rush, don’t expect him to open up overnight. Do your part and give him time, he will come around.
If he is indeed going through a rough time, then wholeheartedly support and help him get through it.
It’s not an excuse for him to behave in such an unfair way towards you but he’s only human, he makes mistakes just like the rest of us. Give him the benefit of doubt. Understand that he probably has no spiteful intent.
Once you get out of whatever he is facing and he’s feeling better, then you can talk to him about his earlier behavior and how it has affected you. However, you’re not trying to make him feel guilty here.
This is important because a lot of times when people act out of character, they don’t even realize it. There is a very good chance that your boyfriend has no idea how his behavior has made you feel which is why you’re letting him know.
Obviously, he can’t go back and change it, but the next time he’s going through something bad, he will at least remember to not direct the frustration towards you.
If it turns out that he’s unhappy with something you’ve done or some part of the relationship, then try to have an open-ended conversation with him.
Tell him your side of the story, why you did it and let him tell you how that made him feel. If you think he’s justified in feeling that way, then assure him you’ll be careful not to do that the next time.
If he’s unhappy with a certain part of the relationship then talk about it and come to a solution which is in the middle ground where neither of you have to compromise much.
Remember that in a relationship you can’t just think about yourself and what’s most comfortable for you alone. You need to work things out in a way that suits both of you at least to a degree.
If it looks like any discussion regarding his behavior is turning into a fight or an endless argument, then you should consider staying apart for a while.
Now this isn’t breaking up. The purpose of doing this is to give both of you some much needed peace of mind and also to rekindle the spark that you had at the beginning of your relationship.
Staying apart will remind you of the traits and feelings you used to love your partner for. It will show you what you’re missing out on and will make you both appreciate each other a lot more.
Might be a hard step to take but certainly worth the effect it will have at the end.
You’re in a relationship to make your life easier. Sure, it’s more complicated in the sense that you have to find the right balance between the both of you but it’s not meant to make it more difficult.
In the broader picture, you’re supposed to have someone you can rely on during bad times so that he can share the burden. Someone who you can share your happiness with; which would only amplify it further.
But if he’s only adding to your troubles while not offering anything back the relationship is clearly not working.
You might think that is selfish to let someone go like that and to an extent it is. But you need to realize that if this is allowed to go on, it will not just affect one person.
The relationship will be unbearable for both of you and by that point there might be way too many complications around your lives to just break up and go your separate ways.
So, if you’re certain that you have tried everything and he refuses to change, then you’re doing both of you a favor by letting him go.
Obviously, nothing about this situation is easy, but whatever action you decide to take, make sure you thoroughly talk it out with your partner and you make that choice of how to deal with it together. Make sure neither of you have to make unreasonable sacrifices to appease the other.
A relationship is constant give and take between two people and the most important thing to safeguard is the balance in it. You should always take suggestions into account but the only person who can definitively determine how to deal with a difficult boyfriend is his partner.
Myself Shorya Best. I am a Digital Entrepreneur, Data Scientist & Life Coach.
Making amends in a mistake's aftermath is one of the most important things you can do. How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend After Taking Him for Granted.
The last thing I did before I started writing this today was literally send an apology text. True story. It wasn’t planned; just a (un)happy accident. Either the universe is telling me something or maybe I just spend a lot of time crafting apology messages — but we can save that existential crisis for another day. For now, let's just take this as a good indication that I am pretty well-versed in knowing what texts to send when you need to make amends with your partner after a fight.
There are some pros and cons to going the text route when it comes to apologies. On one hand, they can’t see the sincerity in your eyes, but they do offer the benefit of being able to get all of the wording exactly right. In addition, they don’t have the pressure to accept your apology on the spot and can take however much time they need to process what you had to say. It also means that you're relinquishing control of the situation by digitally putting the ball in their court, which can make waiting for a reply very, um, challenging. To be fair, if you messed up, it was probably tough already, am I right?
So, let's assume you blew it. You had a huge fight with your partner and you took things too far or said something that hurt your partner’s feelings. Now you've taken a breather and had a chance for cooler heads to prevail — only to realize your behavior was, well, not great and you owe them a big ol’ apology. How can you express to them how truly sorry you are over text? You stare at the screen and get a sudden case of shame-spiral writer’s block. Don't panic, I’ve got you covered with lots of ideas of what to say when it’s time to eat some digital crow. Feel free to use these as they are or as inspiration for your next text apology!
1. “Hey babe, I should never have [fill in the blank]. I'm so sorry I hurt you, and I promise I will not be so thoughtless again. Please forgive me.”
2. “You mean everything to me. Seeing you cry breaks my heart. I am so ashamed that I hurt you. Please forgive me and I swear to do better in the future.”
3. “You are such an amazing person and I feel terrible for letting you down. If you are open to forgiving me I will work to be a better person.”
4. “Hey. I feel sick about what was said last night. I would do anything to take it back, but I know I can’t, so all I can do is ask for your forgiveness and make a pledge to never be so careless with your heart again.”
5. “Hi hon, I've had some time to cool down and I realized I what I said/did was wrong. I acted so poorly and I am so sorry. I hear what you said and I am ready to make the changes you need. Forgive me?”
6. “I woke up this morning feeling terrible. I lost my temper and that is not OK. I am so very sorry for my behavior last night. I am going to get some help to learn how to deal with my frustration in better, healthier ways.”
7. “I am an idiot. A really, really, really sorry idiot. You were right. Please forgive me.”
8. “Hey. That fight was awful. I am so sorry for [your part in it] and I am willing to do whatever it takes for us to repair the relationship.”
9. “I feel sick about our fight. I feel like I really let you down. I promise to do better. I am so sorry.”
10. “I messed up. When you’re ready, can we please talk face to face? I owe you about a hundred apologies.”
Whether you decide to copy these apologies verbatim or write your own, there are three things every apology needs:
1.) Humility. There's no room for pride in an apology. You blew it, so own that sh*t.
2.) Validation. You hurt your partner, so let them know you see it and knowledge their feelings.
3.) Concrete promises of changed future behavior. Apologies are just empty words if there aren't actual behavioral changes to back them up.
Also, keep in mind that no matter how good the apology, you are never guaranteed their forgiveness. If your apology is just a formality so that you can "move forward," rather than a real expression of regret and a desire to to do better, then you are not really apologizing. Does that sound harsh? Sorry, not sorry.
This article was originally published on
However once you do you may find that your relationship is stronger and more We all make mistakes and we must make amends and fix the relationship. . I've been dating my bf for the past 1 month but then he used to cheat on me behind.