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Love from one side hurts

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Love from one side hurts
September 16, 2018 Anniversary Wishes 2 comments

If you need to know some ways that you can cope with a one-sided love then click here to When you are faced with an unreciprocated love, it can really hurt.

Yes. As truly and deeply as you can think.

I knew this guy after reading an article written by him. I was a budding writer and the team sent one of my articles to him for editing. That’s how we connected. I called him Sir (we wrote for a website and he was kind of a mentor there for newer writers). In our very first conversation online, I felt about him. Something he said made me respect him a lot. I started conversations with him once in a while and he would respond quite formally. I asked if there was someone in his life and he said “may be yes”.. Few days after that, on valentines day, he posted a pic with flowers on his timeline and my heart broke. There was some girl, I guessed. I decided not to talk to him, since it would be unfair on my part, because he didn’t know I loved him but I did. I am someone with very high morals. I didn’t want to mess up in some other girl’s relation.

I would wish him on his bday though with some simple poem (absolutely platonic type of poem). I would stalk his profile and would feel jealous everytime any girl commented on his posts, articles or anything. I guessed the girl he was in love with, and her comments would break me apart every single time. But I didn’t talk to him ever.(except for just a couple formal conversations over articles we wrote)..

But my feelings didn’t die. But I couldn’t share them with anybody. I had never ever met that person. There was nothing much that we talked about. What do I tell anyone. How was it possible to feel so strongly about somebody you don’t even know in person. So I kept sulking in my heart all the time. It affected my studies and concentration. (Though I still remained in the toppers)…

So one of these days, my best friend expressed to me about how she has fallen for a guy online and it does not seem rational to her, but she can’t help it, she cried. I told her that I understood and I cried in front of her for the first time. She was shocked to hear how I was suffering all alone for almost two years now. She asked me to talk to that guy(which I had stopped long time back).. She said that atleast ask what is his relationship status. May be he is single and you have assumed. I got some courage.

I messaged him that night. We were catching up after long time, so I asked casually how was his love life going. And he said he had there was no one in his life. I straight away asked, what about the girl who sent him flowers on valentines day. He said there was a brief relationship but there were some caste and all issues which were inevitable between them. So they decided to not take it forward and he was single for a long time now. I was sell shocked, yet happy that there was a ray of hope with him.

In our very next chat, I expressed to him how I felt about him since day one. How all through the last two years I had liked him so much(I didn’t use the word love then but it was clear I was deeply in love with him). He was surprised. He said that I should not have suffered that much and atleast should have shared my feelings to him. He respected the fact that I moved away so that another girl’s love life is not messed up. He said that he respects every bit of my feeling but can not commit and need to see how things move from there on.

But I was happy and relieved and hopeful. We talked a lot after that. I am an introvert but shared every thing about my life with him. He was my first love and I shed all my guards in conversations with him. Our conversations were very mature and respectful. I still called him Sir. No cheesiness, no obscenity. Some beautiful moments of organic expression of love and care. Though It was mostly I who would express and he would just smile in acknowledgement.

I would do all things you would expect a girl in love to do. Write poem, letters, emails, make cards, buy gifts, pray at places for the two of us, celebrate all his achievements over the top and of course dream of a beautiful future for us. But we never met. Niether talked on phones. We chatted on messengers.

Then we met for the first time in a writing team trip. We both went for it without discussing about it to each other. He was very different in real life. Look wise. But he was just as intelligent nerd as I assumed him to be. We behaved just like any other team members. We did not talk personally. As if there is nothing beyond this team between us. But deep inside I was really happy to see him. I was very nervous. Literally trembling and fumbling around. I just did not know how to behave in front of him. What to say and what not. It was confusing and uncomfortable. Somewhere deep inside I was expecting him to come and talk to me separately. But it didn’t happen. He left for some urgent work next day. I was really upset when he was going, I asked him to stay if possible but he cited important work and left. I craved for him to be there, to talk to me and to acknowledge me beyond the team member. Nothing of that sorts happened.

After coming back I asked him what he felt about our relation and where were we headed. He said he didn’t know. I assumed he needed more time. Slowly he started talking less, replying back late, stopped initiating conversations. I felt the oddness but gave him benefit of doubt that his exams are around and he was busy.

But he started drifting apart without ever telling me. I was madly in love with him by then. I started this desperate attempt to ask him what was wrong with him. He never answered clearly. I still sent him gifts, flowers, cakes, cards on special days. He never expressed how he liked or disliked something. It hurt me tremendously how he never appreciated the efforts I put in making everything so special and customised for him.

He respected me a lot and never used any harsh language on me. He did know he meant the world to me. But he could not love me. Or may be he decided not to love me for whatever reason. I don’t know. I still don’t.

There was a brief period where I kind of behaved desperate to him..may be I begged for his love and attention while he was trying to move away. I tried to maintain the dignity but may be I slipped on a few occasions since there was intense love and pain. I respected his decision but pain and hurt was definitely there.

He didn’t want to meet even once before moving on. He believed it would complicate the things. Then his bday came and I went to meet him around his office. He came over to meet when I messaged. We cut the cake and spent some time together(for the first time). We still talked normally, as if nothing has ever happened. We walked on the road together and I wrote those three words on his palm confessing it all to him. He hugged me affectionately and said nothing. He was dropping me to the metro and on the way I slipped into his arms most passionately and we kissed. There were numerous unnamed emotions flowing in that one moment. There was immense love, respect, acknowledgement and understanding but a million dreams shattering inside me.

That was our first and last moment truly together. I know he didn’t want to hurt me but could not force himself to be with me.

I still don’t know why he decided to not take it further with me. He said I was too good for him. I assume he thought I was too emotional and dedicated and he could not match that dedication. He respected the fact that I loved him for 4 years without any reciprocation ever. He knew that I had never fallen for anyone else and never will in future. He didn’t even say a no to me. May be he could not hurt me.

But eventually it hurts, of course. All those unanswered questions in your heart and mind. All those broken dreams. All those wishes and what ifs. Everytime a friend of mine gets married to her lover, I feel the immense pain of love and loss, why not us. Why didn’t he even try once.

Though, I never looked back from that day. Never even sent a message. Stopped going to his profiles and everything. It’s been 5 years since then.

But I loved him two years before he ever knew…I loved him two years when he knew… and I still feel those strong pulse of emotions years after he left. He was the only man I ever loved in my life. It was pure love irrespective of his presence and reciprocation.

Love never dies. It just gets burried.

Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such . "Pain of Unrequited Love Afflicts the Rejecter, Too". The New.

9 Secret Reasons for Your Back Pain

love from one side hurts

Love hurts

Love is the light of our everyday lives. But how do we find the zest for life and tranquillity if the flame of love dies? Is it simply possible to stop loving – and therefore suffer – when we lose a loved one, or when a relationship despite every effort makes us unhappy?

Only in recent years has this issue been taken up by science. Romantic stress is the term for the suffering and physical problems which occur through disappointment in or lack of love, problematic relationships, separation and loss.

Suffering because of love is to a certain extent normal and acceptable. It enables people to learn and develop. However, if this suffering becomes too painful and affects our physical and mental health then the sufferer or related persons should seek help. It should be clear that no one should feel ashamed of suffering from the sorrows of love. If this pain is recognised, not repressed, and actively dealt with it is possible to overcome it.

The forms of romantic stress:

Separation and abandonment
We all know about the fear of being left, of being alone. According to the teachings of psychoanalysis, we experience ‘being left’ for the first time at birth when we lose the unity with our mother’s body. Later in life, when someone we love leaves us, we relive this primal fear, this feeling of being totally alone in the world. And these feelings are controlled by certain neurotransmitters in the body.

Heartache
Fragile and complicated love torments us with our own fears and desires. Who has not experienced the alternation between deep sadness and elation, that queasy feeling in the stomach, not being able to sleep or to concentrate on the task at hand? It is said that ‘time heals all wounds’, but often the wounds of heartache only heal superficially. An inner void remains which drains us, and robs of balance and concentration for life. Under these circumstances, it feels as though only the loved one – the “object” of our love – could save us … but this is and remains out of reach. So you continue, with the cutting feeling of heartache, to be alone and misunderstood.

Relationship crises
Romantic love is a physiological phenomenon, as is life itself. At the very moment we fall in love, our own existence is fully absorbed by the ‘object of our love’. Our bodies form a veritable firework of neurotransmitters, thus forming feelings of euphoria, idealization, exaggeration, and an obsessive desire for the one we love. In this state of intoxication we feel that this love will last forever, but after a while this ship in which our lives sail together can run aground on the dryness of daily existence. Couples feel they have reached a dead end, without any orientation. It is difficult to find the right direction for the relationship, strength and motivation decline. In such cases, the support of neurotransmitters can return the necessary energy in order to sail on together.

Unrequited love
To love is beautiful, but to be loved is much more beautiful. Unrequited, one-sided love remains unfulfilled and this rejection can lead sooner or later to disappointment, personal self-doubt and deficits which can end in physical problems. These feelings of attachment to the loved one are based on a lack of specific, exactly-defined neurotransmitters.

Jealousy and obsessive love
Anxiety and uncertainty, fear of loss are feelings which can devour us. Does he/she love me or is there someone else in his/her life? Are they eyeing our loved one with admiration or even desire? Jealousy is possessiveness which brings only suffering to oneself and others, as well as feelings of guilt. Fear of losing the loved one makes any kind of relationship creating activity on behalf of the partner seem suspicious, and puts increasing pressure on the partner. It is possible to detect these strong feelings in endogenous substances in the blood, and therefore they can be positively influenced.

Farewells
Anger, emptiness, helplessness, ‘not willing to admit the truth’, the desire to escape pain – again and again we live through what the lost loved one meant to us. We are tormented by guilt and sadness about things not said or done when the loved one was still with us, or still alive. Ultimately, we often realise that it is entirely impossible to perceive the emotional significance, or even accept such a loss. Someone in this situation is fortunate to be close to, and have the support of friends and relatives.

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Why Does Unrequited Love Hurt?

love from one side hurts


One Sided Love Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old one sided love quotes, one sided love sayings, and one sided love proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


One of the greatest pain and agony is being in one sided love with someone.

Anurag Prakash

Break my face, my back, my arms, my neck. But please don't break my heart.

Sarah Bettens

Even if you tear me to pieces or even if you reduce me to ashes, I would still go back and give you my heart.

Anonymous

All relationships have one law : Never make the one you love feel alone, especially when youre there.     

Anmol Andore

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

Poise

You can sacrifice and not love. But you cannot love and not sacrifice.     

Kris Vallotton

They say the best thing you can do to your love is to never marry them. Why Crushes Are Often One-Sided And Why It Hurts So Much When.

35 One Sided Love Quotes To Express A Broken Heart’s Grief

love from one side hurts

Love is a beautiful emotion, it originates a feeling in you that you’ve probably never experienced before. Mornings suddenly begin to feel happier, better and cozier.

You somehow begin to feel excited about life again and for those first few months, everything seems perfect.

But alas, life is not a Nicholas Sparks movie and love doesn’t always get reciprocated. It’s more of a sad song video, occasionally jumping between ‘Channa Mereya’ and ‘Tujhe Bhula Dia’.

Many love proposals end in denial, if not all. The person you spent months flirting with and trying to impress, now somehow cannot imagine the idea of the two of you being in a relationship.

There can be plenty of reasons for this. Your significant one-sided other may have a crush on somebody else or they simply might not be ready for a serious relationship.

They might also tell you that they never thought of you in a romantic way and that, you were probably always just a friend to them.

Cut to reality, the pretty love castle that you and your friends were building in the air since so long, comes crashing down.

And with it, the many hopes and aspirations that you dreamt for yourself and for the other person, also go down the drain.

Steps in, disappointment

The pain of a one-sided love story is almost as bad as a breakup because for starters, you never enjoyed the thrill of a relationship with them. There are very few good memories to fall back on and probably, more pain and rejection to take in.

The person you shared your deepest secrets and desires with, now suddenly seems indifferent. The person with whom you spent months talking about your hobbies and aspirations, is now someone you need to maintain distance with, because how else would you be able to move on?

But the sad part is, the world often regards this dire situation as everything it is not – beautiful, romantic and poetic.

Media’s Romanticization Of One-Sided Love Affairs

These days, movies and social media often try  to romanticize the pain that one goes through in these one-sided love stories.

They view them not as painful experiences but rather as sacrificial and pure acts of love.

Poetry/Quotes

Even Instagram writers/poets weave tales of such experiences in a way that somehow tries to find beauty in the pain of these lovers when as a matter-of-fact, there is nothing beautiful about pain and rejection.

It’s something that makes you feel void from inside and makes you lose belief in love. It’s something that not everyone can handle.

Here’s another poem glorifying the mess that is one-sided love. What happiness does one find in this ‘purest form of all’? Its just a ladder that leads you to hurt and pain.

If in some parallel universe pleasure is equivalent to pain, I’d agree with this post.


Also Read:Teenage Relationships Are Not Just Distractions But About Growing Together


Movies

Ranbir Kapoor’s role of Ayan in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil is the most apt example of  the romanticization of pain that is carried out by the entertainment industry these days.

From a sane and smart individual he went on to became a toxic, obsessive and crazy lover. Ironically, Karan Johar presented the same as something SO beautiful and enduring, that it even made you want something similar for yourself.

The dialogues were not just the only troublesome aspect of the film, the representation of the fact that one should necessarily feel pain in order to experience love is also an absurd thought.

Love is beautiful and one should rejoice it; whereas pain is simply pain. Ranbir Kapoor wearing a Lucknowi sherwani and singing Channa Mereya doesn’t reduce it neither does the entry of a hot poetess like Aishwarya Rai make it any less chaotic.

So please, stop reciting ‘shayrees’ and ‘poems’ on how one-sided love is sacrificial, pure and beautiful because it’s neither of these things.

It’s simply painful, psychotic and downright unhealthy.

The Other Side Of The Story

The entire movie was from Ranbir’s point of view. But did someone care to notice how absolutely toxic it was for Anushka or for that matter, how it is for any person who’s at the receiving end of it?

Apart from ruining Anushka’s wedding day by hitting himself with a potted plant, singing a sad song and showing her the middle finger, he also took away from her the only stable relation she’d ever found in life – friendship.

And why? Simply because this man-child couldn’t take no for an answer.

The point is, one-sided love is an extremely unhealthy, ugly and painful situation to be in. It benefits no one and it’s high time people understood this instead of romanticizing it and finding “beauty” in its toxic mess.

Let’s not weigh love and pain on the same platter, they are two very different emotions. You do not have to experience pain to be in true love just as you don’t necessarily have to be in love to feel the pain of a relationship.

Let’s hope the media gets the gist of it and we don’t see any more Ranbir Kapoors beautifying the painful saga that is one-sided love.


Image Credits: Google Images

Find the blogger at @MoulshreeS


Other recommendations: 

Things Young Men Should Do To Move On After A Breakup

This is extra important if you've been putting a lot of one-sided energy into . For me, a lot of the pain of unrequited love comes from feeling that.

love from one side hurts
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