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True feelings about him
January 29, 2019 Anniversary Wishes No comments

50 Love Quotes For Her To Express Your True Feeling - TheLoveBits Romantic Love Quotes - Anniversary Gifts for Him or Her - Home Decor Wall Art.

Everyone wants to be in love, accepted and appreciated. Being in love is something which happens involuntarily and when you actually realize it it’s too late. Confessing your love to your beloved is a lot simpler, but we are humans and making things difficult and more complex is in our blood. So instead, we prefer going in a state of denial that means, you fail to appreciate and acknowledge the love, attention, and care you are receiving from the other end. But somehow, deep inside, you know your true feelings. You might hide it from the entire world but not from yourself.

Notice these things to be sure about it

1. You take your time out from your hectic schedule just for them

Even though you have a lot on your plate and you don’t have time to breathe, but somehow you manage to take a break just for them. It can be a phone call just to tell them how busy you are, or you might just ask him/her to come over for lunch. These things probably show how you like to spend time with him/her despite your schedule.

2. You laugh more often especially when with him/her

Even a lame joke hurts your tummy. You laugh till your stomach hurts. So don’t hide your feelings and confess. At least start showing some hints.

3. Jealousy overtakes you when you see them happy with someone else

So someone else can make them happy as well. So you are not the only one with whom she/he spends time with. OKAY. But WHY. If your thoughts are moving in this direction, then there are possibilities that you are jealous that, that someone is not you. Accept the fact you have a soft corner for him/her.

4. They are the first ones to know everything about you- happy or sad

Yeah, they know everything about you but she/he also the first one to get the details about it. If you don’t tell them you feel a part of you is unaware about the happenings in your life. ‘I don’t know what I would have done without you’. This sentence is always in your conversation. Be it happy news or a sad event, they know everything. They are the shoulders on which you cry and feel safe and secure. If there is happy news you want them to know it first, before anyone else. So what more clues you need to understand this attraction and come out of this denial zone.

5. You compare your new date to him/her

OK, now you think you should give yourself a chance, at least to meet new people and go on a date. But somehow you end up comparing your date and start criticizing the sole idea of it. You start thinking that it was better to just hang out with him/her instead of wasting time here in this stupid date.

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Every Time I look at him it hurts, when I hear his name I have to smile, why can't I just get over you? It kills me even more to see you with her.

6 Ways to Get Him to Talk About Feelings (Advice from a Dude!)

true feelings about him

How do I get him to talk about feelings? I admit that this is something I need to learn more about myself. I love my darling man, but I’m often frustrated at his lack of communication.

The truth is that I want him to be more chatty, able to traverse multiple topics at once and more open to share his feelings. In other words, I want my man to be more like a woman.

We women make that mistake often; expecting our men to act like women. Hate to tell you (and admit to myself) but that that’s never, ever going to happen. Their brains just don’t work like ours. If you want your partner to chat you up and openly share feelings, you’ll have to change teams.

For me, I’m staying pat. I’ll take a little frustration in exchange for all that manly, yummy stuff that turns me on.

Okay…I’ve set some realistic expectations for you. Now let’s talk about the ways in which you can get your man to open up even just a little more. And let’s hear it from a M.A.N.

There's an ART to conversation with a manCLICK for your FREE Guide

I asked a thoughtful and skilled writer, Ben Neal, to write about how to get men to open up for my Date Like a Grownup community. Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, getting men to talk about their feelings can be one of our most frustrating challenges . There’s good news though: When you’re dating or in a relationship after 40, your men are grownups too! As Ben discusses, they are more open to connecting on a real emotional level, you just may have to teach them how.

Ben publishes some of his articles on Elephant Journal, which was recommended to me by a Facebook friend. (Thanks Lisa!) Now, I’m not much of a “woo-woo” kind of gal, but Elephant Journal, which says they are “dedicated to a mindful life”, has a lot of inspiring, uplifting and thought-provoking articles. I’d check it out, as I think many of us (including myself) can benefit from approaching our life in a more mindful conscious fashion.

I want to hear from you! What do you think of his advice? What have you done that works with your man?  

Here are Ben’s really powerful tips. Thank you Ben!

Experts have been telling us for decades that communication is the key to a strong relationship.

For most women, communication could be defined simply as talking about your feelings – something that many men are unable or unwilling to do. This leads to one of the most common relationship myths: that men don’t have feelings.

Of course men have emotions. We feel just as strongly as women do, with just as much depth and subtlety. The difference lies in our emotional vocabulary.

Men are not raised to talk about their feelings. It’s perceived as a sign of weakness, it brings ridicule and torment. Instead we learn to keep quiet and “deal with it” on our own. After a lifetime of silence, the whole spectrum of human emotion tends to be simplified into good or bad, happy or mad. It’s either “I’m fine” or “Go away. Leave me alone.”

It takes time to unlearn these tendencies. It takes time to learn how to explore our emotions and express them out loud. It takes patience, love and support from the ones close to us.

Here are some tips for you to help your man to tear down his emotional iron curtain.

1. Pay attention to body language.

Guys do show how we feel, even if we don’t say it out loud. Most men tend to withdraw when under stress. When your man is moody and tense, no matter how badly you want to understand, no matter how tempting it may be, now is not the time to prod him. Be patient, give him space, and wait for the storm to pass. You are much more likely to get through to him when he is relaxed and at ease. And he will find it much easier to talk about what’s bothering him after he has put it behind him.

2. Show appreciation.

A man may show you how he feels for you by holding your hand, or touching the small of your back; he may bring you flowers or surprise gifts. He may show you he cares by working on your car, fixing things around the house, and just generally “taking care of business.” Tell him how much you appreciate these things, how much it means to you. Positive encouragement can be very effective.

3. Do something fun together.

If your guy has trouble talking about how he feels, then just sitting down and talking one-on-one is going to make him feel awkward, and make it even more difficult for him. Some men absolutely dread it when their woman says, “Let’s talk.” They go into complete lock-down. So instead, plan a fun, physical activity. Go to the bowling alley or the golf course, or just go out for a walk. This takes the pressure off, gives him something to focus on, and makes it so much easier for him to loosen up and talk freely.

4. Talk about things he cares about.

If you want your man to open up about his feelings, you may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit, too. Take the first step, and talk to him about sports, or movies, or poker – whatever it is he’s into. Some men are silent about how they feel, but they love to talk about what they think. Get intellectual with him, talk about business, politics, philosophy, and you may have him chatting away happily for hours.

5. Don’t make assumptions.

When your guy does open up and start talking, listen without leaping to conclusions. Remember, a man’s mind just doesn’t work the same as yours. If you start reading into everything he says, it is bound to lead to misunderstanding. So listen. Just listen.

6. Be direct.

Don’t insinuate. Don’t drop hints. Don’t beat around the bush. Your man isn’t going to be able to read you like your girlfriends do. He doesn’t pick up on the same things. If you want something, ask for it. If you feel there is an issue that needs to be resolved, say so. If you ask, “Why don’t you ever tell me how you feel?” you’ll get nowhere. Instead say, “I want to get know you better. I want to understand how you feel about this. It’s important to me.”

There is no “one way” to get a guy to talk about how he feels. Every man is unique, and every relationship too. But if you and your partner are committed to each other and your relationship, and you’re committed to learning and growing as individuals, then together you can learn to remove the barriers and communicate like grownups.

There’s more for you to know if you want to keep him sharing…

There's an ART to conversation with a manCLICK for your FREE Guide

More information about Ben:

Ben Neal Ben is a poet, musician, and freelance writer from Kansas City, MO. (Where my husband is from, btw.) He loves to be outdoors, camping, bike riding or working in the garden. You can connect with him on Facebook, and read more of his writings at the Elephant Journal.

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Stop Denying And Hiding Your True Feelings For Him/Her. 5 Signs That You Are In The ‘Denial Zone’

true feelings about him

Being genuinely in love is one of the best feelings in life. Expressing this profound feeling and wave of emotions can be, sometimes, difficult. Every time you see your man, your mood is brightened, and his voice melts your heart. How do you tell him how he makes you feel? Which words should you use? As Hans Christian Andersen asserted, "Where words fail, music speaks." Use the best love songs for him to express your genuine feelings and emotions.

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Source: UGC

Finding the best love songs for him is a task that requires some thought and time. You should go through the lyrics to ascertain that they reflect what is in your heart. You do not want to dedicate a love song whose theme is a break-up. You should also ascertain that the song suits your intention. Perhaps you want to send a romantic gesture or to set the mood for love making. The selected love songs to dedicate to your boyfriend or husband should directly mirror your objective.

Top 20 love songs for him

These love songs are the best selection of partner songs. The lyrics express deep feelings, genuine attraction, and indisputable affection. Without a doubt, these are the best love songs for him.

Romantic songs for him

Without music, romance is incomplete. Romantic songs are the best songs to sing to your boyfriend to express your deep love for him.

READ ALSO:Here are the new Nigerian songs you have to listen to

1. When You Kiss Me by Shania Twain

Every girl who is genuinely in love prays, dreams and hopes that the love lasts their entire lifetime. Expressing these hopes and dreams can be hard, but Shania Twain captures this feeling. Some of the lyrics in the song are:

I can see you with me when I'm older

All my lonely nights are finally over

You took the weight of the world off my shoulders

(The world just goes away)

Oh, when you kiss me

I know you miss me

And when you're with me

The world just goes away

The way you hold me

The way you show me

That you adore me, oh, when you kiss me

Oh, yeah

2. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

Finding true love is no mean feat. When you find him, you will want to love him for a thousand years and more. Christina Perri puts this deep desire in a beautiful song that you should dedicate to him right away.

The day we met

Frozen I held my breath

Right from the start

I knew that I'd found a home for my heart

Beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone?

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

3. At Last by Etta James

When your dream of finding the perfect man comes true, you should let him know that he is the one. Men love knowing that someone loves them too. Kiss goodbye the lonely days and tell him that he is yours forever as Etta James says:

At last, my love has come along

My lonely days are over and life is like a song, oh yeah

At last, the skies above are blue

My heart was wrapped up clover, the night I looked at you

I found a dream that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill I've never known, oh yeah

You smiled, you smiled oh and then the spell was cast

And here we are in heaven

For you are mine at last

4. First Time I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack

Roberta vocalises the deep love that a woman feels for her man. The lyrics are carefully selected. When he listens to this song, he will understand exactly how you feel. Some of the lyrics are:

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies

The first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth move in my hand

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command my love

Modern love songs for him

If your man enjoys more modern music compared to the older songs, you can express how you feel using these modern songs with lyrics that are carefully selected. The songs have deep words and beats that younger men are more likely to relate to and enjoy.

5. Make You Feel My Love by Adele

Every man deserves a woman who will stand by him throughout the storms of life, someone they can rely on no matter the situation. When both a woman and a man are committed to each other, they create a force that can withstand anything. Let him know that you will stand by him using Adele's powerful lyrics, part of which are:

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

Oh, I hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

6. We Found Love by Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris

Sometimes, it takes a while before you can get your prince charming. Being delayed does not mean that he will never come along. When he finally does, you will be elated and full of affectionate feelings and emotions. Tell him that you finally found him after a period of waiting using this amazing song:

Yellow diamonds in the light

And we're standing side by side

As your shadow crosses mine

What it takes to come alive

It's the way I'm feeling, I just can't deny

But I've gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place

7. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

This is the best song to remind your man that he is the king of your life. You are certain that you are his, and nothing can take you away from him. A man loves knowing that you are dedicated to the relationship and will be by his side no matter what. Some of the lyrics are:

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it

I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted

I fell right through the cracks

And now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out

I'll be giving it my best-est

And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention

I reckon it's again my turn

To win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait, I'm yours

8. Love Story by Taylor Swift

Sometimes, love does not come easy. Other people in life may oppose your relationship. When you have true and deep feelings for him, you both must fight for each other. Eventually, the two of you will make an unbreakable team. Love Story by Taylor Swift captures it all. She will go past the blockades to be with the one she truly adores:

So I sneak out to the garden to see you

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter

And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet"

But you were everything to me, I was begging you, please, don't go

And I said Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say yes

Rock love songs

While many people associate rock music with being rough, rebellious and loud, some rock songs melt the heart. Whether it is modern rock or classic rock love songs, a rock song expresses what one truly feels as do other genres of music. Some of the fantastic rock songs to dedicate to him are:

9. You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac

Love brings happiness to both a man and his woman. More often than not, it makes one partner to overlook the flaws of the other. Instead, the focus becomes loving each other and having fun together. Let him know that he makes love fun today:

Sweet wonderful you

You make me happy with the things you do

Oh, can it be so

This feeling follows me wherever I go

I never did believe in miracles

But I've a feeling it's time to try

I never did believe in the ways of magic

But I'm beginning to wonder why

10. You're The Inspiration by Chicago

Real love should inspire you to achieve your dreams and potential. It should foster personal development. If he inspires you to be better each day and to pursue your dreams and passions, let him know through this powerful song:

You're the meaning in my life

You're the inspiration

You bring feeling to my life

You're the inspiration

Want to have you near me

I want to have you hear me saying

"No one needs you more than I need you"

11. I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders

Men have emotions and feelings too. Sometimes, they feel vulnerable and downcast. They must not always pretend to be strong when they are not. It is, therefore, necessary for a woman to create a space where he can be vulnerable and sad without judgement. Let him know that it is okay to go through the different phases of life, and in each phase, you will be there by him. The most powerful part of this song is:

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad, don't hold it all inside,

Come on and talk to me now.

Hey there, what you got to hide?

I get angry too, well, I'm alive like you.

When you're standing at the cross roads,

And don't know which path to choose,

Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong

12. She Loves You by The Beatles

Sometimes, human beings in a relationship assume that their partner loves them, and they forget to remind each other of the same. Break the excess familiarity by reminding him that you have deep feelings for him. What better way to do this than by dedicating the song, She Loves You? Check out some of the lyrics now:

She says she loves you

And you know that can't be bad

Yes, she loves you

And you know you should be glad, ooh

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah

With a love like that

You know you should be glad

Country love songs for him

Country music has the power to take you to a place of calmness. It creates a euphoric state of mind, especially among those who love this genre of music. Its simplicity is soothing to the soul. If your boyfriend, husband or partner loves country music, use it to express yourself:

13. It's Your Love by Tim McGraw ft. Faith Hill

It's Your Love is the best song to dance to with the love of your life at sunset. The lyrics not only soothe the heart but also remind him that he is the one. Some of the carefully selected words in this song are:

Dancin' in the dark

Middle of the night

Takin' your heart

And holdin' it tight

Emotional touch

Touchin' my skin

And askin' you to do

What you've been doin' all over again

Oh, it's a beautiful thing

Don't think I can keep it all in

I just gotta let you know

What it is that won't let me go

14. How Do I Live Without You by LeAnn Rimes

How do you live without the one you truly adore and cherish? You simply cannot. Let him know this by playing, singing along and dancing to this fantastic song:

How do I,

Get through one night without you?

If I had to live without you,

What kind of life would that be?

Oh, I...

I need you in my arms, need you to hold,

You're my world, my heart, my soul,

If you ever leave,

Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now

How do I live without you?

I want to know,

How do I breathe without you?

If you ever go,

How do I ever, ever survive?

15. You're Still the One by Shania Twain

You're Still the One reminds both you and him that you have overcome many things to be together. Even then, he is still the perfect one for you. It is the perfect song for couples who have been together for a while. It will prompt him to reminisce over how loyal you have been towards each other, and motivate him to continue being the best partner and lover. Some of the profound lyrics from the song are:

You're still the one I run to

The on that I belong to

You're still the one I want for life

(You're still the one)

You're still the one I love

The only one I dream of

You're still the one I kiss goodnight

Ain't nothin' better

We beat the odds together

I'm glad we didn't listen

Look at what we would be missin'

They said "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holdin' on

We're still together still goin' strong

16. When You Say Nothing At All by Keith Whitley

Knowing that he will always stand by your side gives you the courage to face life as it comes. It makes you a better person. Letting him know how much you love and appreciate him for being by your side is best captured by this song. The lyrics talk of a woman who is sure that her man will not leave her. This assurance is something that every woman should appreciate.

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word you can light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

A touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall

Timeless pop songs for him

Some of the best pop songs to dedicate to him are:

17. Thank You by Dido

Appreciating his love boosts his confidence and inspires him to continue being loving towards you. Tell your man that you appreciate him,and all he does for you by dedicating this song to him. Some of the profound words in this song are:

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life

Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through

Then you handed me a towel and all I see is you

And even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue

Because you're near me and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life

Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

18. Power of Love by Celine Dion

Love can conquer everything that comes in its way. It is powerful. This song will remind him that the two of you can face anything together. It also assures him that you are his, now and forever.

'Cause I'm your lady

And you are my man

Whenever you reach for me

I'll do all that I can

Lost is how I'm feeling lying in your arms

When the world outside's too much to take

That all ends when I'm with you

Even though there may be times

It seems I'm far away

Never wonder where I am

'Cause I am always by your side

19. No One by Alicia Keys

Love is beautiful, kind and patient. When love comes, you cannot deny that it is a life-altering experience. Let him know that you make the perfect team that cannot be separated.

You and me together

Through the days and nights

I don't worry 'cause

Everything's going to be alright

People keep talking they can say what they like

But all I know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one

Can get in the way of what I'm feeling

No one, no one, no one

Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you

Can get in the way of what I feel for you

20. Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer

Kiss Me is a beautiful song that gives both you and him all the good feels. It expresses your desire and longing for him and only him. Some of the lyrics are:

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand

Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance

Silvermoon's sparkling

So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house

Swing me, upon its hanging tire

Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat

We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

When deep feelings and emotions of love and affection hit you, expressing them to your man can be hard. One of the best ways of letting him know how you genuinely feel is by dedicating one or more love songs to him. Love songs for him will not only assure him of your love but will also motivate him to become a better husband or boyfriend. Let him know about your feelings today!


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Follow these 3 steps and have him feeling romantic about you in no time. You' re afraid to let your guard down and show your true feelings because you don't.

Describing True Feelings

true feelings about him

“My girlfriend wants me to open up to her,” Harry* said. “She wants me to talk about my feelings. I don’t know how to do that. And I’m not even sure I want to.”

I asked Harry if he had any idea why his partner was making this request. “I think she wants to know how I feel about her,” he said. “Like, where our relationship is going. And she also said that she wants me to understand her feelings.”

“Do you have an idea what feelings she wants you to understand?”

“I think what she really wants is for me to say how I’m feeling about our relationship.”

“And how do you feel about it?”

“I love her and love being in our relationship,” he said. “But we’ve only been together for seven months. I’m not ready to get married or anything. I’m not even ready to live together.”

I asked Harry if he could say how he was feeling at that moment.

“Right now?” he asked. I nodded. “Well, this is kind of surprising, since we’re talking about something that usually makes me really tense, but I actually feel more relaxed than I have in awhile.”

Many people come into therapy with the same problem Harry was struggling with. Sometimes it’s a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse who wants the other member of their relationship to talk more about their feelings and to be more sensitive to their partner’s feelings. But sometimes trying to solve this problem can lead to anxiety and tension for one or both members of a couple and simultaneously escalate the problems between them.

What’s the problem here? Plenty of research suggests that it is useful to talk about your feelings. Some even shows that putting feelings into words actually changes the brain’s chemistry. So why would asking your partner to talk about his or her feelings create more problems than it solves in a relationship? And why did Harry feel more relaxed after speaking to me about the same feelings that made him tense when his girlfriend asked about them?

The answers are, as with most things in psychology, both simple and complicated. On the one hand, recent research has shown that even just naming a feeling, without doing anything else, can lessen the intensity of the emotion and help us manage it better. On the other hand, when you ask your partner to tell you how he or she feels, you often have an agenda. That agenda most likely puts pressure on your partner. And that pressure makes it hard for him or her to label the feelings honestly, which then means that your partner doesn’t get the benefit of naming the feelings, and you end up feeling hurt, angry, and/or betrayed.

All of which means that when we talk about feelings in a situation in which the consequences are potentially painful or disruptive, we tend not to get the same benefit that we get when we talk about them, or even simply name them, in a neutral environment.

So next time you ask your partner to talk about his or her feelings, keep these three ideas in mind:

1. Are you really asking them to share their emotions with you?Or do you have something specific in mind that you want to hear from them?

If you have something specific that you want to hear, it’s actually better if you spell it out. Alix* and Ralph*, who have been happily for many years, told me that in the early days of their relationship, Alix frequently asked Ralph if he loved her.

“I’m not good at saying those things,” Ralph said. “I would tell her, ‘Honey, don’t I show you how much I love you everyday?’”

She told him, “You do. But I need to hear the words sometimes. Could you try to tell me once in a while?” And he did, and has, for almost 40 years. And, he says, “It’s much easier for me to say it these days.”

Alix says, “I don’t need to hear it so much anymore. I do know that he loves me, and he shows it all the time. But I appreciate that he listened to what I needed and tried to respond to it.”

2. If you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say, then it’s important to let your partner say it in whatever language they can.

Labeling feelings can be an important part of managing them better, but only if the words feel accurate. One thing you can do is help your partner find the right words for what she or he is feeling; but again, that only works if you are genuinely interested in what they are really feeling.

When Harry and I had talked some more about his feelings, he went back to Patty and said that he wanted to try to talk to her about what he was feeling. He also told her that he would like her help naming his emotions, since he wasn't always so good at it. “But,” he told her, “I need your help saying it in my own words. It won’t work if you try to tell me what I’m feeling. And it won’t work if you try to make me feel something that you want me to feel.”

3. Double-check your own feelings, while you’re at it.

Take some time to name your own emotions — out loud to someone else is best, since many of the neural changes that occur with labeling feelings come from saying the words out loud to someone else.

And here’s the trickiest part of all: Sometimes what we feel has several layers and therefore several different labels. It doesn’t work to force someone to try to acknowledge layers they aren’t aware of; but sometimes when you name the most apparent emotion, the next layer becomes closer to the surface, and it’s easier to name it as well.

For instance, when Harry told Patty that he wanted her help naming his feelings, he said, “But I want us to try to find a way to name yours better, too.” She said, “I’m pretty good at talking about my feelings. I share mine with you much more than you share yours!”

“That’s true,” said Harry. “But maybe we can work together on being clearer about what we’re both feeling. Like right now. Can you say what you’re feeling?”

She said, “Yes, I’m feeling like you don’t really want to do this.”

Harry and I had discussed the idea that naming your feelings is not as easy as it seems, and he realized that Patty hadn’t actually done it this time. Instead, she had told him what he was feeling. 

“So, are you angry?”

She was silent for a moment, and then she said, “Yes. I’m angry. And I’m hurt. You…”

He interrupted her before she could say more about him and his feelings and his behavior. “I understand that you’re angry and that you’re hurt,” he said. “And I’m sorry that I’m making you feel that way.” He put his arm around her. “I hope that you understand that I love you, even though I’m not ready to do what you want me to do.”

“Wait,” she said. “Don’t try to say what I’m feeling. Are you saying that you love me?”

He said, “Yes. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said.

When Harry came into therapy for his next session, he said, “It didn’t solve our problem, but we both actually felt better for a little while. And we felt closer. That’s pretty cool.”

Here's the thing: Naming feelings is not the final step to solving difficulties. Sometimes it takes time and work to make changes that help both partners feel comfortable. But an important first step in many situations is finding the words that describe the actual feelings. And sometimes that's actually enough to start a change process. We often feel that we have to make change happen; but neural changes are often the result of simply saying words out loud, to another person, who hears and accepts what we are feeling without trying to change us. And those shifts in our brains can, eventually, often very subtly, lead somewhere that forced attempts to change don't take us. 

* All names and identifying information have been changed to protect privacy

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Lisa J. Burklund, J. David Creswell, Michael R. Irwin, and  Matthew D. LiebermanThe common and distinct neural bases of affect labeling and reappraisal in healthy adultsFrontiers in Psychology, 2014; 5: 221. Published online 2014 Mar 24. doi:  10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00221

Matthew D. Lieberman,Tristen K. Inagaki, Golnaz Tabibnia,and  Molly J. Crockett 

Subjective Responses to Emotional Stimuli During Labeling, Reappraisal, and Distraction

Emotion. 2011 Jun; 11(3): 468–480. 

Published online 2011 May 2. doi:  10.1037/a0023503


Discover your true feelings for him. In a certain point of a relationship, or even in the process where you are trying to get a guy, but you're not quite there yet, you.

true feelings about him
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